Madonna reveals the blunt reason why she'll never do a Vegas residency

NEW YORK ‒ How much do people love Madonna? 

Well, she’s the sort of pop deity who can keep fans waiting nearly two hours behind schedule, their phones locked away in Yondr pouches, with nary a complaint. The feverish crowd blissfully assembled at the Beacon Theatre on June 7 for the Tribeca Festival premiere of her sizzling new short film. 

“Confessions II” is a six-song, 13-minute prelude to her forthcoming album of the same name (out July 3). The film is a gloriously bananas assault on the senses, following Madge from her dreary apartment to a sweaty nightclub to a verdant field where dancers have “lasers shooting out of every orifice,” Madonna, 67, said cheekily at a post-screening Q&A. (And when she says “every,” she truly means it.) 

The singular icon arrived characteristically, fashionably late: swanning in through a side entrance just before 10 p.m., draped in a white fur jacket paired with wraparound sunglasses and a sparkly silver minidress. Although Jimmy Fallon was expected to moderate the evening’s panel, Anderson Cooper was announced moments before the screening as a last-minute replacement, which was greeted with roaring cheers from the mostly gay men in the audience. 

Benedict Cumberbatch, Debi Mazar make cameos in 'Confessions II' film

Madonna and Cooper’s conversation was both incredibly poignant and delightfully freewheeling, as they were joined onstage by filmmaking duo Torso. To start, the Material Girl clarified that “Confessions II” is a “film,” not a “music video.”

“Somehow, a video seems cheap,” Madonna insisted. “It was good when it was just MTV and me, but those days are over.”

The music legend played coy when Cooper asked whether she plans to tour for her new album, saying that she never wants to repeat herself and would prefer to perform inside a plexiglass cube at a warehouse rave. 

One thing she made abundantly clear is that she has no intention of mounting a residency at Las Vegas’ ever-popular Sphere. 

“I don’t wanna wake up every morning and see Vegas,” Madonna said dryly. “I just don’t.” 

The “Ray of Light” singer expounded on her distaste for filming at concerts, hence the no-phones policy at her Tribeca event. She recalled popping in to sing with Sabrina Carpenter at Coachella back in April, where she could hardly see festivalgoers past their smartphone screens.

“I’ve missed looking into people’s faces,” Madonna said. “I feel like they've come between people. I don’t know about you, but I came to this Earth to be a doer, not a watcher.”

Her suggestion: Bring back Blackberries and flip phones. "That could be kind of cute," she said.

The Queen of Pop spoke at length about filming the star-studded “Confessions II” film, which features celebrity cameos by Carpenter, Julia Garner, Gwendoline Christie, Odessa A’zion and Marvel star Benedict Cumberbatch. (“I knew he could scale tall buildings,” Madonna quipped, although she had no clue he could dance.)

Madge’s longtime friend Debi Mazar also makes an appearance. The film's giddy high point is new song “Danceteria,” which takes place in a sultry club bathroom. The throbbing track is named for the New York nightclub where Madonna and Mazar met more than four decades ago.

Back then, “we would go to clubs and make out with each other just to get boys,” Madonna recalled with a mischievous grin.

Why Madonna is 'so happy' that her kids aren't accountants

Madonna opened up about her "insane" Times Square concert a day earlier on June 4. The surprise show was unexpectedly emotional for the singer, who recalled arriving in New York as a young woman and asking the cab driver to drop her in the center of it all. Times Square was the first place she ever went in the city, which made the pop-up gig that much more meaningful.

“I wanted to cry,” Madonna said. “I thought, ‘Wow, I’ve made it.’“ 

Madonna grew thoughtful as she reflected on all the music peers that she’s lost in recent years, as well as her friends who died during the AIDS epidemic. “It was the saddest thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life,” she recalled, adding: “I will always be there for the gays. The gays were with me from Day 1.” 

Asked about her career longevity and penchant for reinvention, Madonna pointed to how she lost her mother at a young age.

“I wanted to live the life she never had,” Madge said. “You have a tremendous sense of time and not wasting it, because you never know what’s coming around the corner.” 

She looked back on the most “provocative” advice she’s ever gotten. (“Go to bed early," Madonna wisecracked. "Eat dinner at 8 p.m.”) On a more serious note, she explained why she no longer drinks or smokes: “I’ve gotta be there for you guys,” Madge said, motioning to the audience.

Cooper then asked her about becoming a mom of six and how she prepared for the responsibility.

“I wanted to be the mother I never had,” Madonna said. “If you really wanna grow up, have a kid.” 

Her eldest daughter, Lourdes “Lola” Leon, cowrote a new song on “Confessions II,” which Madonna described as a “healing moment between us. She’s way more talented than I am.”

The 29-year-old makes a cameo at the end of the film, saying, "Cut, bitch," before the screen goes to black. It’s fitting, Madonna said with a laugh, because “no one wants me to shut up more than her.”

Ultimately, she’s grateful that her kids are also artists.

"I have high expectations for my kids because I have high expectations for myself," Madonna explained. "I’m so happy they’re not accountants! We need [accountants], but it’s easier to talk to them when they’re creative.”