'The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives' and grieving in the public eye

"The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives" star Mayci Neeley faced a profound loss at a young age. The reality TV personality discusses it all in her debut memoir "Told You So," out Tuesday.

In college at Brigham Young University, she met and dated boyfriend Arik and got pregnant. She later learned Arik cheated on her, then confronted him about it; shortly after, he died in a car accident. He'd been texting her. The guilt swallowed her whole.

"It's still hard this many years later, but I would say that the grief never really goes away," she says. "It just gets easier over time."

Grief affects people each day – but not in ways we always consider. We can grieve dreams, our health, past versions of ourselves. Neeley, for one, grieves all kinds of relationships in her memoir. Grief is not linear; it does not come in stages, a common misconception. It's unique to the individual.

It's "a lifelong process," Jessica MacNair, licensed professional counselor, previously told USA TODAY. "It's not prescriptive, it's not, five stages in order, you move through these, and then you reach the end. It's ongoing, it comes up in varying times. And, in fact, I mean, that's probably one of the main reasons that people come back to therapy."

'You do need to feel it'

Grief will manifest in different ways than you imagine over time – often unpredictably so.

"Grief will come when it comes," says Gina Moffa, licensed clinical social worker and author of "Moving On Doesn't Mean Letting Go." "And that may mean that you have grief, two years later, that comes up that feels like it's the first time that you're grieving, or some memory will come up. And it will be something that you have to grieve all over again."

For Neeley, it still knocks her down more than 10 years later. "When I feel those waves of grief, even to this day, I try to take time to allow it to happen," she adds. "In the past, I would try to numb it with something else or distract myself. But I think there's times where I'm like, you do need to feel it and just let it sit and then move on and be happy. I do have to practice gratitude a lot."

Watching these stories on screen, like Neeley's on "Mormon Wives," validates our own journeys, according to grief experts, making for a cathartic experience for the stars and audiences alike.

Some may feel triggered by watching grief on television, or reading memoirs that touch on it. But that doesn't mean they should avoid it.

"I would urge viewers to feel what they’re feeling, and cry if they need to as what they’re experiencing are normal reactions to loss," Maria Bailey, founder of griefspecialists.org, previously told USA TODAY. "Letting your feelings out in the moment will help with processing grief rather than bottling it all up for later."

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