What do American parents want? We asked. Will you listen? | Opinion

Read the news, talk to your friends and a common thread emerges: American parents of young children need more time.

Policy debates often talk about parents rather than to them. At the start of 2026, we went directly to the source and asked parents and caregivers of kids under 6 ‒ across the country, income levels, ages, gender ‒ a deceptively simple question: What do you actually want your life to look like?

The answers to this largest-ever nongovernmental, confidential survey of parents with young kids, fielded Jan. 16 through Feb. 2 and released in May, were not ideological.

They were practical, specific, hopeful and remarkably consistent across demographics: more time for play, social connection, higher wages, more paid leave after a child is born, and the ability to choose different care and work arrangements as their child grows.

Across thousands of free responses, one mother from New York captured a common sentiment that we only get one chance at life, and we risk missing out on important moments.

Nearly 3 in 4 of respondents said they wanted more quality time with their children ‒ something that governments and employers can deliver through new and creative policies, as well as tried-and-true things we know families want, like paid leave.

Fewer people are becoming parents

The backdrop to this national survey is sobering. Birth rates have been falling steadily for nearly two decades, with the U.S. fertility rate hitting a record low in 2024 at 1.6 births per woman.

The financial pressures on families are unrelenting and growing. In 39 states, for example, the annual cost of childcare now exceeds the cost of a year of college tuition and is rising faster than inflation.

More parents are working than ever, and nearly two-thirds of parents report burnout. The burden is neither forgiving nor restricted to the parent or caregiver alone, with documented adverse effects on children’s behavior and emotional development.

Here’s what we learned from parents:

• They want control over their time, their finances and their choices.
• They want to be at the dinner table, rather than having to work a few extra hours to afford dinner on that table.
• They want to care for their youngest children without being penalized in lost earnings, advancement and retirement security for leaving the workforce.
• They want to be able to trust the people caring for their child while they’re at work. They want to be able to stay home and take care of a sick kid. They want to spend an afternoon together outside at a park.

These shouldn’t be wish-list items. But they are out of reach for most parents today ‒ even more unimaginable for those families with the fewest resources.

We asked parents how challenging parenting is – and for most, parenting is challenging. Nonetheless, parents’ own perception of parenting is not as negative as the news or our politics might suggest.

Our publicly available file shows that more than 50% of parents said it was “somewhat challenging” or “not very challenging” ‒ parents’ descriptions of the most challenging aspects of parenting, taken together with other findings from the survey, suggest that it is not parenting in itself, or in isolation, that is stressful.

One father in West Virginia summarized the most challenging thing about parenting as missing childhood milestones because he has to be away from his children. This is consistent with the finding that most parents said they wanted themselves or their partner to be the primary caregiver in the first year of their child’s life.

An astounding 15% of parents took no time off work at all after their child was born. Among those who did, a majority of dads and moms wanted more time off than they got.

External factors that limit parents’ ability to parent the way they wish they could – long work hours, second shifts, unreliable childcare, no time off – create compounding pressures. The challenges associated with parenting in the United States are not personal failings ‒ this is a multiple-system failure. And the policy implications, particularly at the state level, are real.

Policymakers could take actions that support millions of families

For too long, policymakers trapped in partisan corners have seemingly viewed solutions as either-or trade-offs, but parents don’t all envision or want a single prescribed model of family life. No one type of work, leave or childcare scenario was selected by more than 50% of parents. And, these preferences change over the course of early childhood.

There can then be no one-policy-fits-all fix. From rural Texas to urban Illinois, families that may currently vote across the spectrum face many of the same constraints ‒ yet solutions offered by political leaders tend to speak to only a subset of them. Though there are promising efforts that offer glimmers of responsive policies, making true progress starts with listening to families.

At least 20 states significantly increased their childcare subsidy budget allocations for fiscal year 2026. In New York, city and state leaders have moved to establish universal childcare ‒ a policy that removes one of the largest recurring expenses faced by families, freeing up resources and reducing stress for parents. But family circumstances and needs differ, and effective implementation requires understanding what families envision universal childcare to be ‒ something that the New York City leaders are doing by listening to parents.

Critically, efforts to get families more time and more cash are also advancing. Recently, Virginia became the 14th state to pass paid family and medical leave, and working parents in a mix of red and blue states are getting minimum wage increases this year. Policymakers at the federal level don’t need to look far for inspiration.

Many actors have roles to play. In our survey, 66% of parents said that higher hourly wages, the top response, would make the most difference in achieving their ideal leave, work, and care scenarios. One Pennsylvania mother captured this sentiment by saying she needs to make more money in fewer hours to allow more time with family.

Equitable access to higher wages requires action from legislators as well as employers. Meaningful time to be with family, flexibility and part-time work are partly cultural shifts that companies must also help lead – 85% of women want to work, but more than half would ideally have part-time or flexible schedules. And roughly 3 in 10 dads working full-time would like to be able to work less, too.

The infrastructure required to expand access to quality, affordable childcare demands significant public investment and long-term commitment. But the through line is clear: Parents need the systems around them to be family-sustaining, not neglecting.

Our team has been thinking about what a time-honor policy agenda could look like. Solutions are neither mysterious nor out of reach. They require only that policymakers ‒ across the aisle ‒ listen to what families are telling them.

The parents who responded to our survey weren’t asking for perfection; they were asking to be heard. The data is now on the table. The question is whether policymakers will pick it up.

Amira Boland is chief of staff at New America's New Practice Lab, where Alyson Silkowski is a senior policy adviser. Part policy researchers, part technology product developers, part pro-bono embedded implementation support, the New Practice Lab is nonpartisan and focused on improving family economic security and well-being by tightening the link between government and the people it serves.