Love or hate her, Kristi Noem doesn’t deserve humiliation | Opinion

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t care: I feel bad for Kristi Noem. And her husband. 

The recently fired Homeland Security secretary was already having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad month. 

Then this Daily Mail headline broke the internet ‒ “Secret double life of Kristi Noem’s cross-dressing husband Bryon: The pouting ‘busty bimbo’ photos and trove of explicit messages”

I would have assumed it was an April Fools’ joke, but it was posted on March 31, and the family has not denied its veracity. 

Kristi Noem and husband Bryon are being mocked from all sides

Indeed, photos show Noem’s longtime husband, Bryon Noem, in all kinds of unflattering poses, some of which showcase him “cross-dressing” with humongous fake breasts and tight shorts. 

Apparently, he was into the “bimbofication” scene and had sent many messages to women who take part in the fetish. 

Bizarre? Sure. 

It’s the over-the-top mocking and apparent glee so many people are taking from this family’s pain that rubs me the wrong way. And it’s coming from both sides. Since Noem lost President Donald Trump’s support, apparently, it’s fair game for the right to pile on, too. 

“Ms. Noem is devastated,” Noem’s representatives told the New York Post. “The family was blindsided by this, and they ask for privacy and prayers at the time.” 

I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Or it shouldn’t be. 

This is just the latest instance of mocking Noem 

That isn’t stopping a slew of mean-spirited social media posts, headlines and articles. 

One headline in Slate states: “Go Ahead and Laugh at Kristi Noem’s Cross-Dressing Husband. Just remember, his pendulous balloon breasts aren’t the problem.”

A quick search on X will pull up a whole range of off-color jokes being made at Noem and her husband’s expense. 

Ridiculing Noem didn’t originate with her husband, however. Since becoming a member of Trump’s Cabinet in 2025 and becoming the face of the president’s aggressive immigration efforts, she has raised the ire of detractors across the country. 

While it’s fair game to debate whether she was the best fit for the job and how she handled high-profile incidents under her purview – including the shooting deaths of two Americans in Minneapolis in January at the hands of federal immigration agents – much of the “discourse” surrounding Noem is much more personal. 

She’s often been mocked for her appearance, her “costumes” while at the southern border and her intelligence. And much has been made of a rumored relationship with her aide and Trump ally Corey Lewandowski.  

After her firing in March, the Los Angeles Times referred to her as the “gag that kept on giving.” 

“A moment of silence for all the comedians, late-night-show writers, political satirists, memers, animators and random influencers who just lost a wealth of inspiration,” the article proclaims.

It further mocks the end of  the “13-month tenure of a political figure whose bravado, cruelty, incompetence and commando cosplay inspired more wickedly funny material than Dick Cheney, Sarah Palin and Sean Spicer combined.”

Prominent conservative women often face this kind of panning  

Speaking of Sarah Palin, the media’s widespread distaste for Noem reminds me of what happened to the former governor of Alaska when then-Sen. John McCain tapped her as his running mate in the 2008 presidential election. 

The media couldn’t mock her enough, whether that was how she talked or how she presented herself. It’s telling that one of the comments most associated with Palin – that she could “see Russia from my house” – wasn’t even something she said. That came from Tina Fey, who played Palin to much fanfare on “Saturday Night Live.”

“Palin revealed something about elites,” observed conservative writer Matthew Continetti, who wrote the 2009 book “The Persecution of Sarah Palin,” “especially elites in the media, who were extremely quick to judge her character negatively, often rushed stories into print that turned out to be wrong, and revealed contempt not just for her, but for people like her.”

Palin effectively became a persona non grata in a matter of months. Now, a similar mob has come for Noem.

Regardless of what you think of Noem’s politics – or the job Trump hired her to do – that shouldn’t take away from a notable career that has included time in Congress and two terms as governor of South Dakota. She’s also a mother and a grandmother. 

I've interviewed her in person in 2021 while she was still governor and was impressed by her – ironically, we spoke about the unique challenges of being a conservative woman in politics.

While the punchlines about her personal life will doubtless continue, a New York Times report from Noem’s hometown, after the bombshell news about her husband broke, described the reaction of the couple’s local friends and neighbors as genuinely “tenderhearted.” 

We could all learn from that.

Ingrid Jacques is a columnist at USA TODAY. Contact her at [email protected] or on X: @Ingrid_Jacques