Let us all drink Trump's Reflecting Pool algae and be healed | Opinion
Another likely explanation for the Reflecting Pool's lighter shade of kale is that it's a prelude to Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announcing a new health initiative.
Rex HuppkeThe good news about the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool turning greener than Kermit the Frog’s keister is President Donald Trump finally has a swamp to drain.
I’m kidding, there’s nothing funny about algae breaking out all over the Reflecting Pool immediately after President I’m-A-Builder dumped $14.2 million into beautifying the Washington, DC, landmark so it would appear “American Flag Blue.”
In fact, shame on the Reflecting Pool for allowing itself it to seem like a failure just as the president agrees to a deal with Iran that also sounds like a failure. Nobody likes a giant, shallow pool that understands how metaphors work.
Trump should change America's colors to match the green Reflecting Pool
The pool does look less blue and more glow-in-the-dark Slurpee, but that was probably part of the administration’s plan to introduce a new color into America’s boring red-white-and-blue palette ahead of the nation’s 250th anniversary. Blue is out, melted-Shrek-action-figure green is in.
Imagine how this will help the American flag manufacturing industry when everyone has to buy a new red-white-and-green flag. Trump will be hailed as a job creator!
Green Reflecting Pool may be a setup for an RFK Jr. health plan
Another likely explanation for the Reflecting Pool’s lighter shade of kale is that it’s a prelude to Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announcing a new health initiative during the celebration of America’s 250th.
In May 2025, he introduced us to the positive health benefits of submerging oneself in a sewage-contaminated creek. Kennedy took his grandkids for a swim in Rock Creek in Washington, DC, which, as a New York Times headline noted, “Flows With Sewage and Bacteria.”
He also drinks raw milk, eats occasional roadkill, enjoys a breakfast of steak and fermented vegetables and thinks Tylenol causes autism.
So I would honestly be surprised if Kennedy is not preparing to encourage Americans to visit the nation’s capital and drink from the healing, algae-rich Reflecting Pool of Wellness. It’s like a 6.5-million-gallon outdoor smoothie container. It might even be fermented, who’s to say?
Americans must drink their Trump Algae if they want to stay patriotic
Picture our HHS secretary, shirtless and kneeling in the fetid, 300,000-square-foot bog Trump created, the July heat filling the air with swamp stink. He eagerly thrusts his face into the slime, slurping up a mouthful of algae as his followers ring the pool’s perimeter shouting, “MAKE AMERICA HEALTHY AGAIN!”
For this is no normal algae bloom. This is Trump Algae (soon to be trademarked), and it’s rich in phytonutrients and patriotism! It may look like it came out of the Jolly Green Giant’s septic tank, but trust Trump and RFK Jr. – the algae will heal what ails America!
And any proud American can wriggle in Trump’s swamp for the low, low cost of $99.99 per person. (Each dip comes with a 10% coupon off MAGA merchandise, sold near the rows of ambulances on hand to treat the newly healed.)
What a time to be an American. Other countries must be green with envy. And definitely, definitely not laughing at us.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk.