I want to run for US Senate. Motherhood is why I won't. | Opinion

Five years ago, I wrote a phrase in my journal that stuck with me: On motherhood and politics.

I returned to it many times over the past few years, but could never quite get clarity on what it meant – until I made the decision not to run for political office. Trying to articulate why is what brought the phrase into focus for me. Motherhood is the reason I am not running for office. 

For years, I anchored myself to a deeply held belief that politics would someday be part of my path. I love elections. I love political strategy, the dance between public sentiment, media and policy. I study power dynamics the way some people study sports.

I also believe that I am here to help people, to lead by example, to give voice to those who can’t advocate for themselves. I have always known that running for office was something I would eventually consider. 

When I wrote those words, motherhood had become the center of my life, shaping my perception of the world and the role I play in it. I was raising my boys, working and trying to give back to my community. I had just finished writing a book about my experience with miscarriage and was preparing to speak at TEDxPortland.

These two identities felt inseparable and intertwined. I believed there had to be a place where they could intersect.

But the truth is harder. Motherhood and politics are not easily compatible in America. And if forced to choose, I will choose motherhood every time.

Women shouldn't have to choose between motherhood and public service

In an interview regarding her latest book, former first lady Michelle Obama stated that the United States is “not ready” for a female president, noting that our country still has "a lot of growing up to do.” 

Her decision not to run for political office mirrors my own. And for similar reasons, is the risk to my family worth it if the country isn’t ready for women at the highest level of government? 

Motherhood is not a side role in my life. It is the core of it. Not abstractly. Not philosophically. I mean in the daily, ordinary ways. Packing lunches. School drop-offs. Practices and games. Parent-teacher conferences. The quiet moments when a child needs an extra long hug or someone to sit beside them when they are scared.

At the same time, I believe deeply in leadership, public service and advocacy. I believe women should be leading this country. I truly believe our country would be better for it.

We need leaders who know how to listen. Leaders who understand conflict without turning it into destruction. Leaders who understand the fundamentals of compromise. I knew that I was capable, and that, in many ways, motherhood had prepared me for it. 

Last October, I began drafting something I wasn’t sure I was ready to: a campaign announcement for the United States Senate.

The message and the vision came clearly. A vision rooted in the understanding of the time we live in and that our country needs leaders willing to move toward the center instead of tearing the country apart at the edges. We need people capable of holding complexity instead of turning every disagreement into a war.

I believed I could help shape that conversation. I knew the odds would be long, but I also knew I was built for the fight.

Then I stopped. Not because I lacked the qualifications. Not because I lacked the ideas. Because at my core, I am a mother.

We lose more than representation when women aren't at the table

Running for office in America today requires something most parents cannot give without sacrifice. Money. Time. Total exposure. It also requires enduring the machinery of modern politics, a system built to destroy anyone with the courage to step forward.

I had to ask myself a simple question: Do I want my children to watch that happen to their mother?

To carry the weight of a public fight they never chose? I can’t justify it.

So, I made a decision that countless women make quietly every year in their professional and personal lives. I am stepping back.

Here is the uncomfortable truth: Many women who should run for political office simply don’t.

Not because they lack talent or ambition, but because the system demands a price that conflicts with the kind of motherhood they want to experience.

That should concern all of us.

When women are pushed out of leadership pipelines, we lose more than representation. We lose a style of leadership that is collaborative, emotionally intelligent and grounded in the messy reality of caring for other human beings.

The skills required of mothers daily are not weaknesses. Patience, negotiation, the ability to sit with discomfort and guide people through it. 

They are exactly the skills our government desperately needs.

Yet our political culture treats anyone who seeks public service as a target. It rewards cruelty, not courage. So women like me hesitate.

I want to run for Senate. But this year, I won’t.

Because right now, my most important responsibility is raising two boys who feel safe, loved and protected from a world that is already loud enough.

Motherhood is not holding me back. It is guiding my choice.

We should all be troubled by the choices women and mothers face when considering leadership and public service. One day, I hope that our political system supports women and mothers with the resources they need to be the leaders they already are.

Because at the end of the day, women are the foundation and fabric of our country, and the quiet leadership we bring to our daily lives deserves a seat at the table. 

Regan Parker serves as chief legal and public affairs officer at ShiftKey and is CEO of the Association for Responsible Healthcare Investment. A lawyer, author and speaker, Parker has taken the stage at events including TEDxPortland and is the author of "(Mis)carriage: A Mother’s Story of Why Pregnancy Loss Matters."