Eric Broder Shares the One Thing People Get Wrong About What It Means to Win a Divorce

Divorce is one of the most financially and emotionally consequential events a person can go through. In the United States, hundreds of thousands of divorces are recorded each year, and the financial toll extends well beyond legal fees. Studies have found that divorced individuals see their wealth drop by an average of 77% compared to married couples, with women and those later in life often facing the most severe long-term consequences. For families with children, the ripple effects on housing stability, college funding, and day-to-day financial planning can stretch on for years.

Given what's at stake, how people navigate the process matters enormously. Yet most people enter divorce with a mental picture shaped almost entirely by what they've seen on television or read in celebrity gossip coverage: bitter courtroom battles, explosive cross-examinations, and judges rendering dramatic verdicts. That picture is not just incomplete, it is quite rare. For the overwhelming majority of people, it has almost nothing to do with reality.

Eric Broder has spent 30 years as a family law attorney in Fairfield County, Connecticut, one of the wealthiest and most legally complex jurisdictions in the country. As a founding partner at Broder Orland Murray & DeMattie LLC and a legal commentator, he has guided clients ranging from executives and private equity partners to high-profile professionals, athletes and entertainers through some of the most intricate divorce cases Connecticut courts have seen. His perspective on how people misunderstand the process cuts to the heart of why so many enter it unprepared.

The vast majority of divorce cases settle out of court before reaching trial. "It's more interesting to hear about a nasty divorce battle than how a couple negotiated a settlement," Broder says. "So public perception is skewed. The vast majority of cases settle, and that's usually the best outcome for everyone involved, especially for the children." The courtroom drama most people fear is, statistically speaking, the exception.

Why Cases Go to Trial

When a case does reach trial, Broder says the reason is almost always the same: the gap between what one side is offering and what a court would realistically award is too wide to bridge. "If the appropriate range of outcomes is between a 4 and a 6 out of 10 but the other side is offering a two, there's no rational reason to settle," he explains. "You go to trial when the offer is so far outside of what the law actually supports in your case that the result after trial can only be better.”

Contested custody cases present their own challenges. When abuse, substance issues, or deeply entrenched positions are involved, reaching an agreement short of trial can be genuinely difficult. But even in those circumstances, Broder says the priority is always finding a workable resolution that keeps both parties in control of the outcome. A judge who hears a case for the first time and is asked to weigh competing experts and emotionally charged testimony is an unpredictable variable that most people, given the choice, would rather avoid.

The Real Cost of Going to Trial

The financial cost of litigation is significant. Legal fees accumulate quickly in a contested case, and Broder notes that people frequently spend more fighting over a percentage of assets than that percentage is actually worth. But there is another cost that tends to catch people off guard: the permanent public record a trial creates.

"Anyone can pull that file from the courthouse, or find the court’s decision on-line." Broder says. "If you're going back into the workforce, if you're starting to date again, if a potential employer or business partner decides to look you up, that record is accessible. Not everything is confidential. Much of it isn't."

Court decisions in contested divorces often include detailed findings about each party's conduct, finances, and personal life. Those findings don't disappear when the case closes. For executives, professionals, and business owners, the reputational exposure of a litigated divorce can have consequences that outlast the proceedings themselves by years.

What People Get Wrong Before They Even Start

One of the most persistent patterns Broder sees is clients who arrive having already formed strong opinions about what they are entitled to, based on what a friend, neighbor, or family member received in their own divorce. Or, even worse, what someone reads on social media.Family law varies significantly from state to state, and even from county to county within a state. What applies to someone else, in a different jurisdiction, with different assets and different circumstances, is rarely a reliable guide.

"Every case is different. What your neighbor received, your cousin’s outcome in another state, none of that applies to you. Each case is different and notably, states divorce laws and outcomes can vary widely.  Especially in dividing pre-marital assets, inheritances, the age in which child support ends and how college is paid for - just to name a few.”

He also points out that settlement structures are often more creative and flexible than people assume. An alimony buyout, for example, allows one party to pay a lump sum in place of ongoing support payments. Both parties may walk away describing the outcome differently to their social circles, neither of them technically wrong, but the underlying agreement may look nothing like what either expected going in. That kind of flexibility disappears the moment a case goes before a judge.

Reframing The Definition Of Winning

Beyond strategy, Broder offers a perspective on the process that goes beyond the legal mechanics entirely.

"Treat the finances in a divorce like a business transaction," he says. "Sometimes it's better to take a little less and move on with your life than to fight for every last dollar. You can spend more on legal fees than the difference you're actually arguing over."

And on the question of what a successful outcome really looks like, he is direct. "You don't win a divorce the day it settles or the day a judge issues a decision. You win it a year later and beyond.  Ask yourself then: How am I doing? How are the children? Are you working, are you healthy, are you dating, are you moving forward? That's how you know if you win."

For anyone navigating or anticipating a divorce in Connecticut, that reframe may be the most useful thing to carry into the process. The goal was never to win in a courtroom. For most people, it was never going to end up there anyway.

The information provided in this article is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended as legal, financial, medical, or professional advice. Readers should not rely solely on the content of this article and are encouraged to seek professional advice tailored to their specific circumstances. We disclaim any liability for any loss or damage arising directly or indirectly from the use of, or reliance on, the information presented.