How a missed wedding changed 'Jay Kelly' star Billy Crudup's life

Billy Crudup recognizes many familiar aspects of the acting life in his new movie “Jay Kelly.” One that stands out more than others, however: the theme of waiting for your life to start.

“It feels like an American phenomenon. We are an ambitious country with an incredible amount of opportunity. And so your proximity to somehow hitting it big is imaginatively closer,” Crudup says. "If you're constantly waiting for the great break [that's] going to happen or you're going to hit the jackpot or you're going to get the promotion or you're going to get the part, whatever it is, you're going to miss out on life that's happening.”

Directed by Noah Baumbach, the meta dramedy “Jay Kelly” (in select theaters Nov. 14, streaming on Netflix Dec. 5) centers on the title movie star (George Clooney) as he realizes that, for a while, he’s put his A-list acting career ahead of friends and loved ones. A confrontation with Timothy (Crudup), a standout from when they were both in drama school together, sends Jay on an international trip of important self-reflection.

“The provocation of his mentor dying and his children literally leaving makes him wonder, ‘Was it all worth it?’” Crudup, 57, says of Clooney’s character. “His daughter responds with, ‘What if it wasn't? What if it didn't mean anything?’ That just crushed me.”

Crudup remembers “very early on in my career” having to miss major events because he got acting jobs. One incident that especially affected him was being unable to attend the wedding of his best friend from college “because I had a couple days on a movie that I think I ultimately got fired from,” says the New York native and University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill grad. Crudup had “the realization that, as much as I wanted this career as an actor and being given opportunities, if I didn't keep an eye on it, I was going to miss out on my life.”

That’s why he’s kept up the tradition of having an annual golf trip with “a bunch of knucklehead friends of mine from about first grade,” Crudup says. “It's all stupid. They're stupid. Golf is stupid. The whole thing's stupid. But it kept everybody together yearly.

“The truth is, you don't always have the agency,” he adds. “Sometimes you have to work, and you can't say, ‘I would like those three days off – that Friday, Saturday and Sunday I'm going to be in Orlando.’ But when I could for the first number of years, like around [2000's] ‘Almost Famous,’ I did, and that has made a world of difference in my life.” In September, Crudup and 11 of his pals reunited in Charlottesville, Virginia, for their golf weekend: “I think we're close to 30 years now. It's great."

Also, unlike Jay Kelly, Crudup’s very much in the corner of his wife, two-time Oscar nominee Naomi Watts. He was by her side when she received her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – if that were Jay, “he’d ask if he could have a star, too,” Crudup jokes. And in Watts’ book “Dare I Say It: Everything I Wish I’d Known About Menopause,” she writes about a time early in their relationship when he was extremely supportive during a moment they were getting intimate and she became embarrassed about wearing an estrogen patch. (On a Oprah Winfrey TV special, Winfrey quoted Crudup’s line to her: “I have gray hairs on my balls.”)

Crudup was more than cool with her including that.

“It was important for her to try to make clear for people who are going through the experience of menopause or premenopause that this is a common human phenomenon and families deal with it the way families deal with it,” he says. “Being open about it is probably going to help you probably not suffer as much. At the very least, you cannot feel lost in it. You might not be able to mitigate all of the things that come along with menopause, but at least there won't be the haunting (feeling) that you can't talk about it with anyone.”

As for Crudup’s work life, he’s got plenty going on before next year’s golf weekend. The Tony- and Emmy-winning actor stars in a London stage version of the classic Western “High Noon” starting in December, there’s a fifth season of “The Morning Show” to film, plus he might have a supporting actor Oscar campaign thanks to the buzz from a key scene in “Jay Kelly.” (It involves the very dramatic reading of a menu.)

“Well, that's me and my mom mostly starting that online,” Crudup deadpans. “The experience of being a working actor is all I was really gunning for, and I am gifted with having some incredible opportunities right now. I'm happy as the clam where I am.”